Sunday, April 18, 2010

Death by Computer Screen

Once upon a time, somewhere in the wide world, someone signed me up for Women's Health Magazine.

I still haven't the foggiest idea who.

But nevertheless, the magazine comes to my mailbox once a month, and once a month I sit down at the table with a bowl of something expressly unhealthy, and thumb through it. I'm usually mildly interested in what I find, and sometimes even inspired by it--though heaven forbid I should ever be so inspired as to forfeit my frozen pizza addiction.

This month, though, was different. This month I came face to face with my fate.

And that was this: I am bound to die at a young age, but mercifully live the whole of my short life free of Type-2 Diabetes.

Because, according to Women's Health, there is "approximately a 25 percent decrease in the risk of developing Type-2 Diabetes if you drink three or four cups of coffee each day".

*Loud, whooping cheer*

And yet.

I learned that I shouldn't get too excited.

Because I soon discovered that there is an "18 percent increase in your risk of early death from heart disease for each hour you typically spend in front of a computer every day".

Now, assuming Women's Health really knows its stuff, I'm not the only one who's doomed. Writers across the world had better be saying their farewells, because 18 percent per hour is a pretty heavy sentence for anyone who has ever written more than 50,000 words. (I'm wondering how that adds up. Would that be 36 percent for every two hours? Or does the math translate differently? I've never been much of a numbers girl.)

I suppose I should be dying any minute now. And probably, so should you. But at least we'll die with the freedom to eat sugar.

In other news, Ophelia's eyes are getting distinctly more crossed. Not that it makes her any less lovable, but it is increasingly difficult to tell what direction she's looking. Canine corrective lenses?


  1. LOL. I've had magazines forced on me too by family members. You're better than me because I hardly read them.

  2. oh man. this post was so good. i was happy and then not happy, when you informed me of what woman's health had to say about my health.
    thanks for finding me! i will now read what you have to say all the time!

  3. Cute dog! I luckily never got into drinking coffee, but with the amount of time I spend on my computer, I guess I'm in trouble. No need to cut back on the chocolate, then.

  4. Too funny, Hanna! It's really hard to know what to believe from the health news perspective. There seem to be so many conflicting opinions and studies! I figure I'll just do my best to stay as healthy as I can and not worry about the rest! :-)

  5. T. Anne: Why is it people do that? Is it a subtle hint? An honest gift?

    Hannah: The ups and downs of health awareness... C'est la vie.

    Andrea: Thanks! It's lovely to find vices that are good for you... even better to discover that your current vices can be virtues in the right light. But computer screens; should they be labeled a job hazard?

    Jody: I know. What should you believe? (I'm still not sure whether wine is a magic elixir, or killing us all slowly.) I'm with you, though. Worrying about health will probably cause heart disease faster than looking at computer screens.

    No quicker way to be confronted with your mortality than to read a health magazine.

  6. Great blog! Did you really name your typewriter Luna? I love that!

    Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Boy, I'm a gonner! With the hours I've put in it should be any minute now. :p

  8. I used to get Men's Health magazine. I thought if I got the subscription it would make me healthier. I would get exercise by taking each new magazine out to my garage. Sometimes for an extra work-out I would move the magazine stack from one part of the garage to another.

    From the statistics you cite this must mean I'm already dead. Cool! I'm a zombie.

    A to Z Challenge Reflections Mega Post

  9. Jamie: Thanks! I did name her Luna. My obsession with the moon carries over into too many areas of my life. ;)

    Casey and Lee: We're toast, aren't we? Ah well. Zombies are cool now, right? So this should make us pretty trendy.

    (Lee, I love your exercise routine. Maybe I'll try that next!)