Cc: The World, The United States of America
To Whom it May Concern,
Here are some reasons you should write books:
1.) You must.
2.) You can't help yourself (see #1).
3.) You have stories bursting out of you.
4.) You'd feel like a wormy raisin if you didn't.
5.) You're damned good at it.
6.) You're cursed or blessed (see #1 and #2).
Here are some reasons you shouldn't write books:
1.) You're already famous and think you might as well.
2.) You think it sounds like fun.
3.) Your mom says you'd be a best-seller.
4.) You have a cool idea for one.
5.) You've done everything else, and want to expand your resume.
6.) You're an ex-supermodel (see Tyra Banks).
Thank you for your time, Dear Universe. Please do something about this.
Yours most sincerely,
Hanna C. Howard
(With a respectful nod to facepalm.org)
But, can people get double points if they have multiple reasons why they shouldn't write? These must add up to writing points? Tyra's is famous, she thinks it would be super fun to write a book, her Mum thinks the book is a great idea,her resume needs that last little tweak to broaden it to global and, like, she is already Tyra Banks. She is points ahead of everyone else, right?
ReplyDeleteOooh, good point, Elaine. Yeah, she's probably got enough double-negatives to make her a writer. Or at least enough to call herself one.
ReplyDelete(Also, that made me laugh. A lot.)
But what if you have a reason to write AND a reason you shouldn't? Many people start with a great idea for a book, start writing it, and then discover that if they tried to do anything else, they'd go crazy (reasons 1,2, and six why you should write). Also, if I remember correctly, John Lithgow and Carrie Fisher are both better writers than they were actors.
ReplyDeleteGreat points, though :)
Ugh. Another one? It really is ridiculously, embarrassingly unfair.
ReplyDeleteYou'll make it. And I know because there is no "because your best friend (and her husband) think you'll be a best-seller" on your list.
Giles, you do make a very fair point. I suppose there are stipulations and allowances for every set of rules. Thanks for playing Devil's Advocate; we all need that when the desire to rant and rage rears its ugly head.
ReplyDeleteAsh, thanks. I mean, if it were anyone but Tyra, and if she were writing anything but YA... We've got to take it with a grain of salt, though, right?
Yeah...I heard nothing good about Pamela Anderson's books, either... She and Tyra probably hired ghost writers anyway.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious! I love your blog, the background is cute and this post was brilliant!!
ReplyDeleteI love the reasons you shouldn't be a writer!! Having Tyra Banks on the list almost made me spit up my water!
Agh, I know, Giles. But those poor ghostwriters... :)
ReplyDeleteJen: Thanks! I'm so glad you like it. If nothing else, Tyra is usually good for a laugh, eh?