Sunday, August 8, 2010

Don't Hunt Horcruxes and Drive

Dear Reader: If you are considering listening to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on audiobook in your car, I must warn you... you should probably not. Especially if you're driving within a city. Let me explain.

If you do, you run a higher risk of getting into accidents. For one thing, your mind tends to be on Voldemort, and what could be more distracting than that high, cold voice? For another thing, your vision is almost always obscured by a thick sheen of tears--if not a veritable waterfall of them. Third, you have to mop yourself up every time you want to get out and go talk to humans (which renders any eye-makeup pointless), and not everyone has a box of Kleenex in their passenger seat. And last of all, if you have to stop at any intersections, you end up getting a lot of curious and worried looks from other drivers, because you look like this:

So, kids? Don't hunt Horcruxes and drive. Be smart. Hunt them in the safety and cry-proof security of your own home. And don't forget to vote: Potter for President.


  1. I couldn't agree more. I myself like to read while exercising (on a stationary piece of equipment), but once tried reading Deathly Hallows and found myself racing spastically ahead of the machine, laughing out loud, and crying, all in the same 60 minute session. The looks I got were priceless.

  2. Ha ha ha. You just made my day. I can totally see you driving through a small town, stopping at every light, bawling.

  3. Melissa: It's dangerous to take Harry anywhere in public. Every emotion possible is likely to find its way across your face, and expose you for the book nerd you are. But sometimes we learn these lessons the hard way. And sometimes it's worth it just for the looks people give you.

    Amie: That's exactly how it goes. I've taken to raising my hand to my face as if I'm resting it there, depending on the side of the car that is open to the most scrutiny from other drivers. And at the most emotional moments, it takes all I have not to roll down the window and screech at these impertinent onlookers, "DO YOU MIND?? PEOPLE ARE DYING INSIDE HOGWARTS!"

  4. But it's so much FUN to drive and listen to HP!

  5. Hilars. I've often thought of investing in books on tape for long car rides, but you've convinced me of the errors of this kind of thinking.

  6. Giles: I know it is. And maybe you have better control over your tear-ducts than I do; in which case, you might be able to make it work without putting everyone on the road in peril. I'm jealous, if so.

    JEM: In general, books on tape are fabulous for long drives, if you can find a good narrator. And Jim Dale is a top-notch narrator for HP, but that's what makes the later books so dangerous. He's too good...

  7. Eeep!! I hope you're okay! It is a great read, isn't it??? ;) Thank you for following my blog.

  8. I'm a new follower and you seriously rock!!! Let me explain:

    1. Your blog name alone brought me here (due to it's awesomeness!)
    2. You fill my thoughts with Harry Potter, and I'm a harry potter nut!

    This post was brilliant! I'm glad that you made us all aware of the dangers, and next time I'm driving I'll be more cautious with the choice of book on tape I put in my car. Though Harry Potter will still always be my favorite :)

  9. Elizabeth: Oh yes, I'm perfectly alright. :) I made the executive decision to bring the final disc into my house so that I could be safely shut in my bedroom when my eyes became two red, puffy slits. And of course there's no question: Harry Potter is (and will forever remain) a great read. Possibly the BEST read.

    Jen: Thanks! I'm so glad you came by! For one thing, because I found your blog and started following it recently, but hadn't yet introduced myself, and for another because any friend of Harry's is a definite friend of mine.

    Of course, my views on HP audiobooks are much like my views on overdosing on caffeine: both are slightly dangerous, but sometimes far too alluring to resist. :)